Women nearly universally display a social behavior with men they like that’s often referred to as “testing.” Testing is what women do when they’re looking to see if a man is strong and congruent with himself; in other words, if he really is all the man he’s presenting himself to be.

Asking a man to do something for her, or teasing him with sexual suggestions to see if he jumps at the opportunity or gets overexcited, or dropping hints with regards to her own promiscuity or relationship status to see if he gets defeated and walks away – all those are “tests,” and there are many other varieties.

Testing often gets a bad rap with men. It gets called annoying, frustrating, or petty – but still, all but the absolute most innocent, trusting, inexperienced women – the ones who don’t know men any better yet – do it. But why do women test men, and how do you act in testing situations? That’s the subject of this post: what to do when women test you.

 

WHY WOMEN TEST MEN

You’ve got to understand first that when a woman is dealing with a man she’s considering as a potential mate, one of her top priorities is finding out if this guy really is a strong, confident, successful man. In both primal times and still today, ending up pregnant with the child of a weak, unsuccessful man meant and means bad news: lack of proper support from that man; lack of protection by him; susceptibility to the risks of the weak (jealousy, insecurity, anger, spousal abuse); a far higher chance of having a weak child.

Weak men are dangerous men.

But a woman can’t go by just what a man says when she’s trying to assess his strength. If she asks a man, “Are you a strong, successful, confident man?” every single man, no matter how true or not it is for him, is going to say, “Why yes of course I am.”

There’s a learning curve in women; the least experienced women often haven’t realized the need to test men yet, so might not test men much, and what tests they do try are clumsy and weaker men make it past them more easily. As women grow in experience with men, though, their tests get tighter and more pointed and they get better at figuring out the strong men from the rest with speed, accuracy, and efficiency.

In the game of mating, the arms race is ongoing; the men who want to position themselves as ideal mates and cover up their flaws, and the women who want to separate the wheat from the chaff and expose what flaws exist and where they exist.

Women test men to better to know who those men really are. They test them to know whether they truly are strong – or whether they’re just pretenders. They use tests because the same test that rolls off the nose of a strong man without ruffling a single feather of his will completely throw off a less confident man, and send him scrambling into damage control.

As it were, tests are an extremely effective method for women to find out how strong and successful and confident a man really is, because responses to tests are quite difficult to fake. Women are looking mostly at a man’s nonverbals, and nonverbals are extremely challenging to misrepresent. It’s easier to just get strong and confident and successful than it is to fake being strong and confident and successful.

For understanding why women test, it’s helpful to understand the emotions a woman is feeling when she tests. The emotions typically are one of the following:

  • Playfulness
  • Frustration
  • Disgust
  • Dismissal

All, stated otherwise, “borderline” emotions. Emotions she feels when she’s on the fence about a guy and not dead-set on going to bed with him or, conversely, on counting him out as a sexual option altogether.

If a woman is testing a man playfully, it’s because she’s interested, but not yet convinced. She’s enjoying spending time with him, but doesn’t take him fully seriously yet (that doesn’t mean she won’t later). Her sentiment is basically, “This guy is cute. I wonder if he’s the real deal…”

If a woman’s testing a man in frustration, disgust, or dismissal, she’s in one of a variety of stages of auto-rejection and is, by testing him, throwing him a lifeline at redemption. Her sentiment is basically, “I hope he says or does the right thing in response to this test and makes me change my mind about him.”

Take note that women will not test two specific types of men:

  • Men they are 100% committed to being with, and
  • Men they are 100% not interested in.

So if you’re not being tested, it’s because a woman either has written you off entirely as not a valid option, orshe’s so entranced and in-love with you that she hasn’t a doubt in her mind that you are the one she wants to be with. An example of the former – the guy she’s written off – might be a guy she’s just friends with in a very platonic way. An example of the latter – the guy she’s head-over-heels with – might be a guy who’s in a local rock band and she knows exactly what she wants with him – a quick fling or one-night stand, for instance – and she’s fully committed to getting it.

 

PASSING THE TESTS WOMEN GIVE

The first thing you’ll need to start successfully passing tests from women is a good understanding of the Law of Least Effort in social situations. You want to be getting maximal results with minimal visible effort whenever and wherever possible socially.

The impact a good understand of the Law has on your responses to testing is immediate. Once you know you shouldn’t be jumping up and down and bending over backward for women who haven’t already put in a similar level of investment for you (and even if they have put in a lot, you still don’t want to go too far), you’ll stop making some of the most common mistakes men make.

Here’s how women test men, with a handful of the more common tests you’ll see, and here to is how men often fail those tests:

Scenario One: Drinks

Girl: Will you get me a drink?

Man: Sure, definitely. What do you want?

Scenario Two: Hand on Her Arm or Leg

Girl: Would you mind not touching me like that? I don’t like being touched.

Man: Oh, sorry. [moves hand]

Scenario Three: Resistance

Girl: I can’t go sit with you, sorry; I have to stick close to my friends.

Man: Oh, okay.

Scenario Four: Temptation

Girl: So what is it you want to do with me, exactly?

Man: Umm… nothing! I just want to talk to you!

If you possess even a small degree of social intuition, you can feel in your gut that those responses to women are weak and wrong. As for women, they have a lot more than a mere modicum of social intuition, and those kinds of responses ring like alarm bells telling them the man responding this way is not a man of strength and self-possession. Quite often, a single weak response like this can be enough to sink you.

Think about that for a moment there: one weak response can derail an entire seduction.

That’s especially true early on; once a woman is fairly certain she likes you, and she’s invested in you, you’re allowed a little leeway, so if you slip up a bit later on, you stand better odds of getting a second chance than had you made a similar slip before she started feeling connected to you and before she became invested in you. This is why it’s so important to move fast with women and start on deep diving right away and get them investing in and connecting to you in a hurry. The sooner a woman’s invested in and connected to you, the fewer tests you’ll see, and the more slack you’ll be given if your responses aren’t perfectly on point at times.

Back to the tests themselves. Thing is, if you’re a beginner or you’re early in the intermediate phase of developing your skill set with women, even if you know these kinds of responses – where you put in too much effort by over-investing or by retreating on your positions or defending yourself – are wrong, you still do them anyway.Why is that?

It’s mostly because, until you’ve been battle-hardened a bit, you won’t be prepared to react. All the martial arts training in the world won’t do much to steel you against that first big fight you end up in; once you have a bunch of men socking you in the face, all those years of training go out the window and you fall back on pure instinct and defensiveness. It takes repeated exposure to situations where you’re getting physically hit to be able to remain calm and to follow your training despite the immediacy of the situation. This is every bit as true with meeting women and riding out tests; even when you know exactly how you ought to respond to a test, early on you’ll often find yourself defaulting to weak or defensive responses regardless.

Don’t beat yourself up too much over this; just recognize that you need more exposure and more time in the field meeting live women and experiencing the things women test men with in real life to develop the thick skin to it you need to remain calm and composed and follow your training.

Let’s have a look now at some examples of how a collected, self-assured man would reply to the same tests we used above from women. Facial expressions, body language, and tonality are all crucial here; a woman’s paying even more attention to what you communicate nonverbally than to what you say verbally when you respond to a test of hers. You want to be a sexy man and be charming and evocative as you reply – so don’t just work on the words; work on the delivery, too.

Scenario One: Drinks

Girl: Will you get me a drink?

Man: Maybe later, if you’re good. What brought you out tonight?

Scenario Two: Hand on Her Arm or Leg

Girl: Would you mind not touching me like that? I don’t like being touched.

Man: You mean… like this? [slapping other hand on her right next to where first one is, and smiling like he’s just about to start laughing; it’s a game to him]

Girl: I just don’t like it when people I don’t know touch me.

Man: [laughs] Okay, party pooper. You want an awkward wall of no-touching between us, fine. [moves hands] I still might go find a ruler or something to reach out and caress your cheek with later once you’ve decided I’m the man of your dreams.

Scenario Three: Resistance

Girl: I can’t go sit with you, sorry; I have to stick close to my friends.

Man: Yes you can. Come sit with me; it’s just over here. You’ll be plenty close to your friends.

Scenario Four: Temptation

Girl: So what is it you want to do with me, exactly?

Man: Well, the first thing I want to do with you is have you keep me company while I drink my drink. After that… hmm, we’ll see.

 

MAINTAIN YOUR COOL

The most important part about passing a test is maintaining your cool and staying composed. Even if you do do what the girl asks you to do, do it like you meant to do it and wanted to do it anyway. Remember that seeking to throw you off balance – either playfully, or in the hopes that you’ll turn around her views of you – is the principal driving motivator in how women test men. Women do many things with the intention of exploring a man’s reaction; it’s how they learn about him and his feelings toward them. By keeping your composure and staying cool, you communicate that you are in-control, self-possessed, non-needy, and every bit the kind of man she hopes you are.

Above all, don’t resent women for testing you. They test every man they aren’t 100% certain of, whose minds they don’t feel they can read 100%, and even after you’ve slept with a girl, even after you’ve made her your girlfriend, even after you’ve made her your wife, she’ll keep testing you anyway for the rest of your and her time together. She must constantly assess if you continue to be strong enough to protect her and provide for her, and whether you’re showing signs of instability, weakness, or decay – because, as we mentioned at the beginning of this post, those things are very dangerous to women. Strong, confident men don’t harm and hinder women. Weak, unstable ones do.

So stay cool. Stay nonplussed and unreactive in the face of even tough testing. And smile inwardly to yourself every time you face a test – whether you pass, or whether you don’t – because you’ll know that each time, you’re getting trained a little more about what to expect, and a little more of the fog of war is being lifted as you become better and better prepared to face and handle tests going forward.

Also note that whether you’re using chase frames and flirting with girls effectively or not is going to play a big role in whether you receive tests; as you position yourself more and more as the pursued, and her more and more as the pursuer, it is increasingly you who will be testing her – and not the other way around.

Ultimately, with time, as you learn to handle them properly and as you employ more chase framing and flirting in your interactions, tests fade in importance from your awareness. Someone asked me a few months ago if women still test me. I said, “No, they don’t; I can’t remember the last time I got tested.” But then I thought about it, and I realized that yes, they test me all the time; I just am so comfortable with tests that I always pass with flying colors and they don’t even register as tests. Just like women’s objections, you come to smile at tests and know that they are opportunities that, when handled properly, you’ll see a noticeable spike in attraction and interest following your handling of them.

So, I won’t say “enjoy tests,” because while with time you’ll come to enjoy them, first you’ve got to get through that initial period where they genuinely are a pain to deal with. But, if you put in the time meeting women and getting to know them, you’ll face many a test down the line, and the more you face, the more you’ll come to handle them with confidence and panache. So maybe, don’t enjoy tests… but do try not to mind them too much.

Ya boy,

David Dimon